if i'd known what today would have been like, i would have killed myself last night
as my life seems to stand right now, this is going to be one of the worst summers of my life. i am so panicked about trying to figure out my life in general. but to add to that, i found out that indeed, Drive America's certificates ARE only good for three years. mine, which i finally got today, expired october 2004. this might have been something the women i talked to in March COULD have told me, that way i could have at least tried to figure out something within time. but my permit expires june 10th, and i;m busy until AT LEAST the 4th, my sister's wedding, which means i have to take that damned test again to renew my permit when i had been really hoping i could just finally stop pissing off my dad and take the driver's test so i wouldn't be a 20yr old w/o a liscence. now i have to retake that stupid drivers class, being probably the oldest person in there and all those damned 16 fuckers will think i'm so pathetic. and i know this is completely my fault, i shouldn't have waited this long to do anything. i sholdn't have let my first permit expire when i was 17, i should have gotten my certificate immediately, or at least ASKED if the expiration thing was true. so now i have to pay $2oo+, because i am not letting my parents waste their money on something like me. and i don't have a job yet because i am too fucked up to work any place nice, and i'm going to have to go back to taco bell and i really can't, last summer would have been utterly unbearable if it hadn't been for summerstock. and with having to take my classes again, i'm not going to be able to help out, or miss most of it. and it just seems like nobody wants to talk to me, i haven't been able to reach most of my friends, even though my sister saw one of them and told her i was back in town and she said she wanted to see me before she left for bootcamp. but not enough to answer ne of the times i called or reply to my voicemail. and every1's going to leave me and i'll be stuck inthis damn life forever. gos why couldn't i have just been another miscarraige.